


A Hero's Choice

by dragonwriter24cmf



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Family, Family Bonding, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:54:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21876958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonwriter24cmf/pseuds/dragonwriter24cmf
Summary: After returning from the past, Emma thinks about what happened. About choices made. About the love she lost...and the man who let her go, despite knowing the cost. There's more than one way to be a hero, and one person whose sacrifice deserves to be recognized.
Relationships: Belle/Rumplestiltskin | Mr. Gold
Comments: 3
Kudos: 45





	A Hero's Choice

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All characters belong to Once Upon a time.

**A Hero's Choice**

“His name is Neal.”

Emma grinned. She liked that name. She liked that Neal, or Baelfire if you wanted to use his old name, would be honored and remembered in such a fashion. He'd been a hero after all. He deserved to be remembered as one, and to live on in spirit, in her family.

Thinking of Neal made her look up. Gold, or Rumplestiltskin, as he seemed to prefer, was sitting quietly by the diner window. He had a glass in hand, toasting the baby prince along with everyone else, but she could see the shadows in his eyes.

She hadn't really taken time to think of it, but she could see the marks of everything he had endured in his face, his all-too-human face. He was thinner, almost gaunt, the suit just a little too loose on his frame. The marks of the deprivation Zelena had subjected him to. There were shadows under his eyes that spoke of sleepless nights, and something in his posture that suggested pain, or the memory of it.

She'd seen all those signs before. Signs of someone who had been abused. Hurt.

And there was the visible, naked grief in his eyes, as he listened to people extol his son's name. She knew, looking into his face, that he'd sat as close to the door as possible, both for a quick exit, and so that as few people as possible would be able to see the emotions he could not hide. Anguish.

Zelena hadn't allowed him to even attend his son's funeral. She couldn't imagine how much that must have hurt him, on top of everything else he had suffered.

She remembered her last moments in the past, in his vault. His crushing grip on her arm. The words exchanged.

_'Wait. Before you go...I need to know, what happens when I find my son?'_

_'I thought you wanted to forget.'_

_'Yes. But before I do...I need to know, when I find my son, does he forgive me?'_

_'Yes.'_

_Too quick perceptions, and the alien eyes sharpened. 'Yes but what? What aren't you telling me?' Sharp anger flashing across the thin face. 'Tell me or you'll never leave.'_

_She couldn't hold back the words, even if she wanted to. 'He dies.'_

_Shock, then grief on his face, suddenly so human in spite of the changes. And it was that anguish that made her keep talking, even as he flinched as though she'd driven a bullet into his heart. 'He forgives you. He loves you. And he dies, to save all of us. Please, don't let that be in vain.'_

_Pain. Denial. 'I...I can change what happened...I can save my boy.'_

_Hard words, cruel words to speak to a father. 'You think you can change the future, but you might make it worse.' Her pain mirroring his, her grief so fresh and raw that the only thing worse in that moment was the devastation in his eyes. But she had to keep talking. 'I loved him. I wanted to save him too. But he died a hero, and you can't take that away from him.' Tears choking her voice, and yet she thought they might be kinder than the dry-eyed agony she could see in him._

_She'd have given anything in that moment not to have to say the next words. But she did say them, because he'd warned her about the consequences, and she knew he'd been right._

_'You have to drink the potion. You have to forget everything I just told you.'_

_Centuries in a second. She could see the wound, torn deep in his heart, all the agony burning in him. And she knew. He could let her go, and then bottle the potion away. He could do it. And he knew, she could see that he'd seen in her eyes that a part of her wanted him to. Wanted him to remember, to try and change fate regardless of the consequences._

_She could see the part of him that was contemplating keeping her, making her tell him everything, being his guide so that he could avoid his son's death. And as much as it broke her heart and terrified her, she couldn't blame him. Because it was what she would have thought, if someone had told her Henry was dead in the future._

_Then he flicked the top off the bottle, hesitated a moment, then flung his head back and poured the contents down his throat. He held her just long enough for her to see him swallow, then flung her at the portal with a strength she hadn't known he could possess. Her last sight as the portal sucked her away was his hand, lowering to his side._

“Emma?” her father's soft voice startled her out of the memory. She blinked up at him. “You okay?”

Her mother frowned. “You seemed far away for a minute there.”

“Yeah.” She looked back at Gold.

She didn't really like him. But she understood him, at least a little. And she knew what he had gone through, all the things she'd never told his past self.

His venture to Neverland, to face his father and save his grandson. She'd never told him he'd have a grandson to offset the pain of losing his son.

His death, to save them all, a sacrifice equal to Neal's, though it seemed few remembered it. Even she hadn't given it much thought since returning from New York.

His torment at Zelena's hands, and how hard he'd tried not to harm any of them. She hadn't missed how he hadn't killed any of Robin's men while retrieving Regina's heart, how he'd only attacked her in the square, and how there'd been no casualties in the hospital.

A year's worth of humiliation and enslavement, that no one had saved him from. Honestly, aside from Belle, she didn't think any of them had given it much thought, aside from there in the barn when they'd stopped him from killing Zelena. She certainly hadn't.

The death of his son. The one thing she had told his past self, the worst thing she could have forced him to know.

She remembered the look on his face. She darted a glance at Henry, smiling as he played with his new uncle. Another at her parents, their faces aglow as they watched their son and grandson.

She picked up the book, thumbing through it, looking for a story she thought she remembered reading with Henry. She was almost to the front of the book when she found it. A story about a poor spinner who had crippled himself to come home to his son, lived as a cripple, and then become the Dark One.

She thumbed to the beginning of the story, until she found a picture. A picture of a man in a ragged uniform, dirty and worn and leaning heavily on a staff. His other arm held a tiny baby. The watercolor was crude, but even in the image, she could see the love on the man's face. Just like her parents looked now.

She looked back at Gold, sitting quiet by the door, mostly ignored by the revelers.

She couldn't leave it like this. She just...couldn't.

She thought about asking him to step outside. He was such a private man, and the wounds were so raw. But it didn't feel like enough to her.

She hoped he'd forgive her the impertinence later.

She stood, picking up a glass and touching her father's arm. “Dad? Is it okay if I propose a different toast? I know it's Neal's christening, or coronation or whatever, but...”

“Sure. It's fine. You're family, after all.” David nodded.

“So is the person I want to toast.” She swallowed hard, the straightened up. “Excuse me. I...if I could have a moment of your attention...” There were butterflies in her stomach, but she couldn't let herself back down now.

Heads turned, the crowd falling silent faster than she would have liked. And worse, Gold was watching her. She'd never quite appreciated the intensity of his gaze, but she could certainly feel it now.

Still they were all watching her. And she'd already started this.

She swallowed hard, and started talking. “So...I'm not much for speeches, really. But my parents were talking about heroes, and, as much as I cared for Neal, I think there are some other people that need to be recognized. People like my parents, who never gave up. And like my son, Henry, who never stopped believing in us. People like Regina, who were willing to give up everything, and like Hook...” He wasn't in the diner, but that didn't matter. “...because without him, I'd have never known to come home. And people like all of you, who supported us through everything.” Heads were nodding all around, people murmuring appreciatively. “And...there's one more person.”

She took a deep breath, feeling the crowd's focus. “There's one person, that I think we haven't acknowledged. Someone who gave it all, everything he had, to help. Neal was a hero, and I'll be the first to say that...but he isn't the only one who died for us. Who died to save us. Or...who lived to save us either.”

She saw the words ripple through the crowd. More importantly, she saw Gold sit up sharply, eyes shocked and disbelieving.

She kept going. “The person I'm talking about...well, I'm not sure I'd say he's a hero. And I think he'd be the first to say he's not. And I know he's not like Neal, loved by everyone.”

Ripples of confusion through the crowd. But her parent's eyes widened with understanding. So did Regina's, and Henry's and Belle's. Then Snow gave her a nod of approval, and Henry grinned, and that was enough to bolster her flagging confidence.

“Regardless of his flaws, and his mistakes...this person...when my son was taken, he was the first to volunteer to help save him. When Pan threatened the existence of the world, he was the best fighter against him we had. When Pan threatened Storybrooke, this man died to stop him, sacrificed himself so that my family, and the rest of us, could live.”

She was tempted to go on, but she knew Gold wouldn't want the details of his time with Zelena touched upon. And she didn't want to expose him, not with the still-raw wounds she could see written on his body.

She raised her glass. “Neal was a hero. Brave and true. But...regardless of any mistakes he might have made, I think...I think Neal's father was a hero too. And I know...I know he loved his son, who shared my brother's name. That's why...I'd like to ask all of you to raise your glasses, and offer a toast...to Rumplestiltskin Gold.” She wasn't sure what name he really went by, and figured that was as good as any.

Gold fell back against the glass window of the diner with an audible thump. David, on the other hand, raised his glass high. “To Rumplestiltskin!”

“To Rumplestiltskin!” Snow and Henry echoed the toast a moment later. Belle chimed in a half-second later.

“To Rumplestiltskin.” Regina and Robin raised their glasses in tandem.

“To Rumplestiltskin.” Granny and Ruby repeated the phrase, Ruby smiling and Granny with an ironic, tiny grin on her face.

Grumpy shrugged. “What the hell...” he stood up. “To Rumplestiltskin!” The entire diner echoed him.

Gold sat, white faced with shock, leaning against the diner wall. His mouth was open slightly, eyes wide and almost panicked.

David moved forward, holding out a fresh glass of beer to the stunned man. “She's right you know.” His voice was soft, kind. “You are a hero.”

“I'm not...” Gold took a deep breath, visibly replacing the mask. Then he stood and took the glass from David. “Thank you.” He drank. “If you'll excuse me a moment.” He set the cup down and slipped through the door to the small patio.

Emma set her drink down and followed, catching Belle's eye and asking her to stay put with a pleading glance. After a moment, the librarian nodded and resumed her seat, leaving Emma to follow Gold.

He stood in the middle of garden, hands on his cane, staring across the street at nothing. Emma came to stand beside him, stuffing her hands in her pockets. “Hey.”

Gold remained silent. Emma shuffled, coughed. “Look, I'm sorry. I know you aren't big on being in the spotlight, but...”

“Why?” The quiet question cut her off, the sheer confusion in his voice stopping her.

“Excuse me?”

He turned his head to look at her, and for once, his gaze was open and unguarded, in a way she'd only ever seen with Belle and Neal. “Why would you do that? Tell them I'm a hero. I'm not...”

“You are. And I had to.” She moved to stand in front of him, to face him head on. “Everything I said in there was true, but...that wasn't why.”

“Then why?” he stared at her, and she could see the same lost look that had been in his younger self's eyes.

She swallowed hard. “When I went to the past, I changed things. And you helped me fix it. But...” She swallowed again, feeling the tightness in her chest. “I told you. Before I opened the portal to come home...I told you.”

“Told me what?”

She felt her throat closing up, tears stinging her eyes. But she couldn't back down. He deserved better, and she'd known she had to tell him. “I told you he was going to die.”

Gold flinched. “I don't...”

“I told you what would happen. You confronted me in your vault, and you asked me if you'd find your son, and if he'd forgive you. And I told you. That he forgave you, that he loved you, and that he died a hero to save everyone.” The color washed out of his face, anguish flooding his expression.

She kept speaking, her voice cracking on the words. “I told you the worst thing I could have ever told you. I told you you were going to find your son, and then lose him again. And then….”

He was trembling, and she could see the utter agony in his eyes, the wounds she was re-inflicting. She continued. “I saw that look, that terrible look in your face, when you wanted to change the past and the future. And then...you drank the memory potion to forget, and you let me go. You sent me home, and forgot everything I told you.”

Behind him, the door opened silently. Belle and Regina and her family stood in the doorway, listening. If Gold heard them, he gave no sign. Neither did she. Just continued.

“I can't imagine what I would do, if someone told me Henry was going to die. The urge to alter time, to change what happened…I can't imagine how that would feel. To know your child is going to die, and have to choose between trying to save them and doing the right thing. I would never want to make that choice. I don't think I could make that choice. But you did. That's why I said you were a hero. You made the right decision.”

Gold's eyes closed, overwhelming emotion on his face, hands trembling on his cane. “I let him die.” She saw a single tear fall down his face.

“And you let everyone else live. That's why you're a hero.” Her voice cracked on the words.

She wanted to reach out to him, but she didn't dare. But Belle came towards them, touched him gently on the shoulder and the arm, and Gold turned towards her, seeking comfort. She wrapped an arm around his head, pulling him to her, embracing him, and he went to her, his breath ragged and heavy. Emma swallowed back her own tears, watching the overwrought man as he tried to breathe through the grief she had brought to the surface.

Several minutes passed before Gold raised his head. His eyes were dry, his expression composed as he straightened. Emma watched him put himself together before he faced her. Then the tiniest of sardonic smiles creased his worn face. “Thank you for your kind words Miss Swan. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm rather tired, so I believe I'll retire for the evening.”

“Sure.” She nodded and moved out of his way. He stepped past her, and she turned to watch as he and Belle made their way to his car and climbed in. Moments later, the car started and pulled away, vanishing up the street.

Emma watched him go, hoping he'd find some peace after all he'd been through.

The Dark One had made a hero's choice. She'd have to make sure they all remembered that.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little story that wanted to be written. Because someone ought to recognize everything Rumplestiltskin has done for people, and what it cost him.


End file.
